TGIF :: Microdosing Self-Resourcing

#69 || It's usually the little things

You are reading ClearLife, an exploration of life without “dimmers” such as escapist drinking, eating, snark, exercise, shopping, sex, work, drugs—even generosity. Prior posts are available here, including a capture of The Eight Awarenesses framework. You can find the first season of the Undimmed Podcast, real conversations with real people about their ClearLife journeys on Apple or Spotify.

Thank you for trusting me with your time. I am grateful for your ♡s, comments, and direct notes. And a big hug to those who reached out with personal messages, stories, kindness—even a bouquet of thistles(!)—after I shared some of my experience of losing and honoring my beloved Aunt Judy last week.

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Centering

As the years go by, ClearLife becomes less about opting out of a dimming habit and more about discovery.

I look back and remember times I let people walk all over me—especially employers, though there are a few intimate relationship examples too. I was dimming out with too much work, too many drinks, and plenty of stress. I didn’t feel good in my body or the life I had architected around myself and had grown fairly insecure. I can’t really blame them for treating me poorly. I was teaching them how and they were good students!

It turns out, growth—especially the kind that starts with clarity and runs deep—is an ongoing process of deepening self-trust, becoming increasingly discerning about how we spend our time, and then finding ways to nourish relationships and embrace undertakings that really matter.

As we tread this path, our energy changes. Eventually the way people treat us does too. We’re more centered, stable, clear, and calm. Any previous invitation or permission to mistreat us fades—vanishes even. Ultimately we’re more truly “met” or “seen” by those around us. Relationships feel like mutual honoring, love, respect, and a safe place for play too. I am learning that this is one of the most transformative features of a ClearLife path.

But, how? Self-Resourcing.

We all have our own journey and these changes don’t happen overnight, they take time. If we once spent our time in environments and with people that were draining or otherwise depleting, shifting how we spend our time (the Seventh Awareness) to better reflect our core values is a start.

🍊 Farmers’ markets > rowdy bars.
🚶🏻‍♂️A walk > an hour on social media.
💐 Volunteering or doing something kind with/for others > gossiping.
👩🏽‍🍳 Cooking and enjoying a healthy meal > passive consumption of processed food.
✨ Moments of gratitude > judgment or disdain.

This is self-resourcing. When we are clear, we can discern what we need whether it be physical (rest, nourishment, movement), emotional (to feel seen/heard, stillness, expression), intellectual (stimulation, understanding, assurances) or spiritual (connection, relating with something greater than us, recentering in communion with the divine).

This all sounds great, but, we’re all so busy? How do we find the time? It turns out, we don’t need much. Like most things in life, it’s the little things.

“The little things? The little moments? They aren't little.” ― Jon Kabat-Zinn

Microdosing Self-Resourcing

I caught up with a friend going through a very difficult time this week. I’d reached out, sensing something wasn’t alright. Maybe something about my heart being tender in a time of grief that helped me to better attune to her. As she shared, it became clear that she’s depleted with stresses across every area of her life; a true “when it rains, it pours,” time for her.

Towards the end of our call, I wanted to hear about her routines, her mornings, what she does for herself. I felt like the only encouragement I could offer her was permission to take care of herself too, amidst it all.

“Is there a place at your home, inside our outside—even if just a carefully positioned chair—that can be yours for part of the day, even if just ten minutes for a quiet cup of tea, few minutes to read, or to just be?” As we spoke, we together realized that this was medicine we both needed (in my case getting up at least an hour before the rest of the household).

The Little Things

The pervasive, social media-informed notion of “self-care” doesn’t cut it anymore. Most of us don’t need / want / have access to a spontaneous vacation or a “spa day.” We do, however, all benefit from microdoses of nourishment in different ways. My week was full of these as I navigated a various work projects, the kids getting back into school routines, and various other family and health-related needs—all with a tender heart.

This looked like:

💦 Drinking a full glass of water before doing anything else upon waking.
🌲 Taking a walk with my son to place a couple of roses from our garden in the nearby creek.
🍲 Cooking enough dinner to include two dear friends.
🕯️ Lighting a candle every morning, setting an intention, making a wish, taking a deep breath.
🎶 Playing a favorite song and doing nothing else other than listening to it carefully.
❤️ Putting my phone away and having several heartfelt, in-person conversations with loved ones.

Micro-Practices to Self-Resource

A framework can help us discern what we need, and when.

One of the learnings of The Hoffman Process (completed in February, still very much with me!) is the Quadrinity Model, a framework with which we can understand and honor the four primary aspects of the human experience: (1) our Body, (2) our Intellect, (3) our Emotional Self, and (4) our Spiritual Self. The practice is a daily check-in with all four to both assess what we need and then support conditions for meeting those needs. I wrote about this in a TGIF about self-resourcing in May.

The focus today is on the little things.

We can check in with ourselves at any point of the day and do something for the aspect of ourselves in need. Here are some ideas:

💃🏻 Body: Stretch. Take a deep breath. Drink a glass of water. Take a ten minute nap. Step outside for a few moments of direct sunlight. Eat a raw fruit or vegetable.

🧐 Intellect: Look up something intriguing. Think of something to look forward to, or a fond memory. Study a piece of art (or a song). Write something. Sort through letters / photos / mail and create negative physical + mind space for what’s coming. ← Read that last sentence again.

💌 Emotional Self: Send a letter or note to a loved one. Listen to music that moves you (especially songs that you seem to be the only fan of, for me, that’s everything from Lisa Gerard to Phil Collins!). Cancel or postpone something on your calendar that sparks dread. Give yourself time and space to sing, cry, and ponder. Give or receive a hug. Say “I love you” to your people, especially those who are a bit uncomfortable with these expressions (they just might be saying it first over time).

📿 Spirit… this one can be the most potent. When we are connected to Spirit, so much else just flows or falls into place… Take a few minutes in nature. Light that candle. Sit in stillness silence for a few moments—anywhere. Smell a favorite scent. Carry the beads. In time, we can gradually become more open to and connected with this guidance, feel “Spirit-led” even. It is a more intimate share for another day, but it was this connection, serendipitously nurtured just a few days before losing Dear Judy, that helped me—us—feel deeply, yet also stay centered… present for and with the kids. Holding space is enabled, fueled, by this impenetrable link. More on this soon.

Curious…

How do you microdose self-resourcing? When you are in big feelings, is it easier or more difficult to take care of yourself? Has this changed as you evolve? How? What do you wish you knew then?

Gratitude.

Love. ❤️

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Miscellaneous…

Only two people matter… I saw a beautiful video about this today… In navigating life, only two people matter, the 8 year-old version of you and the 80 year-old version of you. Food for thought!

The First Eight Awarenesses Immersive Workshop/Retreat… is happening December 9th-14th at MEA in Baja, Mexico. Information and registration information here. I’ll be leading this with Soren and our dear friend Teddi Dean. Financial support and scholarships are available and encouraged. Hope to see some of you there. It will be a very special co-created time.

See you in NYC on September 12th…? Yuval Harari, Jon Kabat-Zinn, Melissa Carter,

Yung Pueblo

, Arianna Huffington and more will be exploring Mindfulness, AI, and the Future of Humanity. Soren has been tuning into and preparing for this one for months.

Donald Trump… has some resonant thoughts about alcohol. I was startled to watch this yesterday. Thank you for the share, S.

Sangha Saturdays coming up…!
👩🏽‍💻 Via Zoom, Saturday September 14th at 9am Pacific
🤸🏽‍♀️ In Person, in Mill Valley, Date TBD (moved from this holiday weekend), stay tuned
➡ Please indicate your interest via the form link here and you’ll be added to the invitation(s). These gatherings are magical. Thank you for joining us! 🌟