TGIF :: Going with the Flow, Resourced

#55 || A lesson, an awareness, an invitation, and a practice

This week I explore the beauty and power of abandoning structure when needed, how important “being resourced” is in creating conditions for “on” days, and a practice for tuning into what we need to nourish ourselves. Thank you for your time and engagement with my work. I appreciate you!

Spotted on a neighborhood walk

I had the honor of interviewing Roshi Joan Halifax at Wisdom 2.0 last week. I had ample time to prepare, and did—I re-read her most recent book, Standing At The Edge, listened to recent interviews, and took in what she shared online as she navigated her teaching pilgrimage through Japan in the weeks leading up to the event. I even contacted one of her more devoted students, asking: “If you were yourself in the audience, knowing her, with your deep practice, is there a question you’d love asked?” She suggested I consider exploring “precision and gentleness, two simultaneous qualities that arise from practice and also inspire practice…”

Beautiful.

Positive anticipation was in part fueled by our sweet personal connection. She has been close with my partner (also the host and founder of the conference), Soren, for decades, so our times together to date have been rich, fun, and endeared. Despite our warm friendship, I hold her in reverence, among women I’ve looked to for inspiration and guidance over the last year as I’ve tread (often stumbled) along my own dharma and healing path.

A Lesson: Go with the flow, be in the moment.

Despite these favorable conditions, our on-stage interview didn’t flow well. I felt off—maybe we were off. It wasn’t terrible, it just wasn’t how I’d imagined, hoped, it would be. I felt a pang of regret and embarrassment leaving the stage, a feeling that stuck with me for a few days.

There are countless factors that could have contributed to this, not the least of which was the weight of the energy in the theater from the two very intense talks that preceded our session—covering enduring sexual violence (a stunning interview with #metoo founder Tarana Burke) and teen mental health issues (a moving talk by former Meta leader, now teen mental health advocate Arturo Bejar). I could feel it—we could all feel it.

A week ago today 💜

Upon reflection, if I could do it again, I’d abandon my interview “plan” and do my best to help us stay in the powerful moment generated by the prior talks. I’d ask Roshi to share her wisdom, helping us together navigate these difficult feelings and awarenesses—including many far beyond the four walls of the theater. I’d invite her to speak to opportunities to serve, practice, grow, and support one another, especially in times of strife, with open hearts and without slipping into pathological altruism. I’d work to hold a container in which we could collectively metabolize what was in the room—and beyond, in our hearts, in that moment. Said simply, I’d be okay with—rather embrace—going with the flow by honoring and being in that very moment, with open hearts.

“Conceptual knowledge is so valued in our world. Yet in many cultures wisdom is equated not with knowledge but with an open heart.” ― Joan Halifax, Being with Dying: Cultivating Compassion and Fearlessness in the Presence of Death

An Awareness: We’re better when we’re resourced.

Another consideration… it was also a bit of an off day. You know those “off” days? We’re snippy with loved ones. We forget or lose things. We struggle to focus. I’ve been paying closer attention to these experiences, searching for patterns that might illuminate what sparks them: What makes a day “on” or “off?”

I’ve come to believe that it’s whether we feel resourced or not, and that can mean different things at different times for different people. When we’re resourced, we’re fueled, we have what we need. We can be balanced, clear, at ease, and alert all at once. This could mean being adequately nourished (with food), hydrated, and rested. For practitioners, it often also includes whether we’ve meditated.

It could also mean we feel supported, seen, heard, valued, and loved. I love how Yung Pueblo shares a version of what this means for him:

You need to do more than just eat nourishing food, exercise and rest to feel your best. You also need to be around good people, spend time healing your emotional history, live in alignment with your values, say no to people pleasing, stay open to growth and deeply embrace change. -

Yung Pueblo

For some of us, being resourced means knowing there is enough of a plan for the time ahead (hours to years) while for others, being resourced means knowing there is enough room for spontaneity and freedom to navigate from the moment. (Hilariously, it appears that these two types of people, the planners and the spontaneous folks often marry one another!) Either way, when we’re resourced we’re well equipped to handle what arises, surprise or not. And of course, whether we feel resourced is deeply personal, contextual, and subjective. It is up to us to be sufficiently self-aware to self-govern with grace.

Looking back to last week, I recognize that I was depleted—not well resourced in a range of ways—and this surely contributed to how I met the moment, with rigidity, not flow. I can see now that as someone who loves structure and predictability, the better resourced I am, the more capable of being in the moment I am, with an open heart.

An Invitation: The Second Awareness

The Second Awareness, I choose what I consume, is deeply interwoven with the exploration of whether we are resourced. We can ask ourselves if what we are eating, drinking, reading, watching, and who we are spending time with is nourishing or numbing. The same applies to activities—are we doing things that nourish us (exercising, meditating, creating)? Are we replenishing after depletion?

The invitation is to explore what nourishes us, what depletes us, and make sure we are balancing appropriately.

In my case, in addition to the usual things, nourishment for me means a lot of quiet time and stillness, as well as a healthy amount of “alone time.” My batteries recharge when I spend time with my kids and other loved ones—and almost always while in nature. It turns out I also really need regular vigorous exercise, something I am finally embracing as a non-negotiable.

I was missing all of these last week, day #3 in a San Francisco hotel amidst the concrete jungle, deeply engaged with the beauty and energy demands of the event from early in the morning until later in the evening, skipping exercise routines to stay with the schedule of it all, all while “background processing” the kids’ needs, countless details around the podcast launch, and other variables. I have a lot of capacity, but only when well resourced. Rigidity is a sign I’m not and this can show up in all kinds of ways.

Going back, I’d take my own Second Awareness medicine and find a way to “consume” that which nourishes me, especially amidst what can be quite depleting—a run, time in fresh air, and ample breaks from engaging with others during the communication-rich days.

A Resourcing Practice: Quad Check

There are countless ways to make sure we are self-resourcing. One of my favorite approaches is something I learned at The Hoffman Process: A daily “Quad Check.”

Quad checks are based on the Quadrinity Model, a framework with which we can understand and honor the four primary aspects of the human experience: (1) our Body, (2) our Intellect, (3) our Emotional Self, and (4) our Spiritual Self. The practice is a check-in with all four aspects of ourselves to both assess what we need and then support conditions for meeting those needs.

The Practice:

• Find a place where you can sit in an easeful but alert posture, ideally alone.

• Embrace the notion of self-trust, a commitment to listen to and trust yourself.

• Close your eyes and notice your breath.

• Focus on your Body, scanning for tension, energy, or other sensations. Ask what the body needs today (stretching, a certain kind of food, sunshine, rest, hydration) and then imagine providing it.

• Turn your attention to your Intellect (the mind), noticing its state today and inquire what it might need today (a problem to solve, time to read, ample rest) then imagine providing it.

• Repeat the above for the Emotional Self (the heart).

• Finally, focus on your Spiritual Self. Feel this magical energy throughout your body. Ask it for a message, guidance. Trust it, thank it, and envision carrying out the vision.

• Gently open your eyes and return.

A Reset

At the end of the event, I found a way to check in with myself and carve out a few hours the morning after to replenish: A run to good music. A coffee in the sunshine. A voice memo to a dear friend. A long shower. A wave of gratitude for the freedom, health, and resources to actually do these replenishing things.

When I made my way home to the usual load of tasks and other need-meeting later that day, these little acts had helped me feel centered again, making it possible for me to be a bit more present, and connect with others an open heart, for a moment :)

Perhaps most importantly, when one of my sons stumbled a bit this week, I had an eye out for these themes. Just yesterday we talked about it. “Maybe that later bedtime we’ve been experimenting with isn’t a great idea.” “Yeah, mom, maybe.” That kiddo was tucked in early last night, resourcing himself. ❤️

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🔥🔥🔥 The Undimmed Podcast Launched this Week…! The first episode (of eight for Season 1) is a lively and heartfelt conversation with

jennifer pattee

who in many ways inspired this entire ClearLife journey for me. You can have a listen on Spotify, Apple, or wherever you find your podcasts.

Please have a listen, share, rate, subscribe, and more. My interview with

Yung Pueblo

about his own journey of shedding dimmers will be released on all platforms on Wednesday morning. Deep bow of thanks to my partners in crime that made this all possible: Joanne, Megan, Laura, and Mateo, and of course my awe-inspiring guests! 💥

⚡️⚡️⚡️ Sangha Saturdays… The next Zoom version will be next weekend, May 11th at 9am PT. If you’d like to join, please indicate your interest here and you’ll be added to the (anonymous) calendar invitations. 🎋

➡️ No TGIF next week… Speaking of going with the flow and being resourced, there will be no TGIF next week as I’ll be concluding my multi-day ride down the Northern California coast. I hope I’ve sufficiently trained! Thank you for your donations and support for Climate Ride :) 💪🏼