TGIF :: Holiday Traditions; A (ClearLife) Reset

Weekly drop #35 || Out with the old, in with the new!

What A Difference A Year Makes

This time last year I was between a concerning doctor visit and a nerve-wracking biopsy, preparing to co-lead a high-stakes global offsite in Lisbon that I didn’t attend due to said biopsy, and planning a catered holiday party for 70 (to which about half actually showed up thanks to a very reasonable list of reasons including Covid, flight delays, and urgent family member needs).

Our family bought an overpriced Christmas tree in the pouring rain at the local nursery, and I had to practically bribe the kids to help me decorate it. I struggled to make holiday cards and ended up feeling a complicated blend of shame and righteousness for sending less than usual. And throughout the season, I struggled with a deep sense of inauthenticity. Everything was “fine” but I was terrified of my emerging health challenges I was still keeping mostly to myself. Smiles-tears-smiles-tears… more than I care to admit. And, to top it all off, I didn’t really let myself feel down throughout, hauntingly aware of the privilege I have to even have these challenges.

The Seventh Awareness, How We Spend Our Time

I was already several years into my ClearLife journey, so I can’t blame drinking or any other dimmers for this unsettled state of affairs. I was simply overextended, primarily by the challenges of trying to be a good mother, partner, daughter, friend, and employee (people-pleasing was a bit stronger in me then), all while navigating new, unwanted medical terrain. It was not the holiday magic I’d been hoping for.

This year, we’re doing things differently, including doing less and not doing anything that doesn’t feel like a hell yes. Even more importantly, I’m examining the motivation that underlies how time is spent. Does it come from the heart, or something else? This means smaller gatherings, levity around the whole tree thing, cherishing special time with loved ones, and being fine with not getting everything done. I’m applying The Eight Awarenesses, particularly the seventh one: “Time is our most precious currency” in my efforts to be intentional, yet fun. Like a digital cleanse, we can “Marie Kondo” how we spend our time this season—letting go of what no longer serves us and curating moments that spark joy.

Join me?

Out With The Old, In With The New

If a holiday tradition (1) revolves around unhealthy habits (sugar or alcohol-centric), (2) is overwhelming (how many cards do you make, gifts do you deliver, meals do you cook, or decorations do you put up?!), or (3) feels obligatory (the main reason is “because we always do it”), maybe it’s time for a reset.

We can recognize a tradition and the relatives who upheld it for us in the past, and be open to letting it go. Yes, let it go! No one really cares, at least not for long, and everyone will probably appreciate fresh new traditions that we introduce in their stead.

In our family, this means no longer leaving cookies for Santa Claus (the dog ate them the last two years anyway), skipping the holiday play the kids haven’t appreciated for years, and spending less money and time on fancy gift wrapping.

Anyone on any kind of a ClearLife journey knows that when we let things go, we have room for what’s new. I’ve been noodling on this for a few weeks. The kids are all at ages where we can shift things up a bit, and it would be great to add rituals and traditions that are meaningful, enjoyable, and reflect our family’s values and priorities.

Where to start?

For some of us, there’s something we’ve always wanted to do (volunteer in a local soup kitchen, start a Secret Santa game, tour holiday lights in pajamas (there’s a map for that!), or make Cioccolata Calda), so adding a new tradition or two is easy. For others (including me), we have to really think about it. One place to start is by considering what we may have missed in our younger years, but can do now.

I loved the holiday season as a kid, a time to enjoy some of the fruits of my father’s year-round hard work. There was no lack of elegant beauty (we are all “soft white light people,” because Mom said so), family time (Mom’s parents and extended family on Christmas Eve, Dad’s father “Papa” on Christmas morning), and tradition (gin fizzes and pork sausage soufflé as we opened gifts).

When I consider what we didn’t have, it helps me prioritize themes we’re folding into our family today including giving back to the community, allowing time to reflect on all we have to be grateful for, and having intimate conversations about the year we were closing and the new one ahead.

New Traditions

Whatever it is you seek to incorporate into your holiday season, here are a few ideas I’ve pulled together in attempting to define some of our own (we’ll see how many we actually incorporate!):

Hold Space for Sacred Time

Religion, class, family size, and preferences aside, this time of year is sacred for a reason. Humans have been honoring the Solstice, holy dates, and other seasonal phenomena for as long as we can imagine. We don’t need anyone or anything to tell us how to honor the magic of this time of year when veils between worlds are particularly thin. Traditions could be a visit to a place of worship, a walk in a beautiful setting, a private meditation, or even some time to be creative.

Tune Into Gratitude

A fun and wise friend exclaimed over dinner last night, “Gratitude is everything.” Science indicates he might be right. Even a moment a day can have a transformative impact on our lives and the lives of those around us, so what better time than the holiday season to build a bit of ritual around a gratitude practice. Whether it’s a journal, a “gratitude jar” (these seem so cheesy to me, but know that they can be done beautifully!), or the simple habit of each person saying something they’re grateful for before eating, folding a gratitude practice into our days is a tradition anyone can embrace.

Write a Few Letters

Last week I found a letter a dear friend sent me in 1998, four handwritten pages about returning to college, the activities of common friends, and hopes and dreams for the year ahead. It made me wistful about the fading art of hand written correspondence. We can all think of at least three people who’ve impacted us in some positive way this past year. Whether we do it alone or get the household involved in an evening activity, taking time to write a few letters to people we appreciate is a beautiful tradition to pick up.

Grant Privileges & Refresh Responsibilities

Speaking of letters, if there are kids in the house, I stumbled upon a sweet tradition of giving children two envelopes, one labeled, “New Privilege,” the other, “New Responsibility.” Amidst all the fun and presents, what a lot of kids want is more freedom (more technology, a later curfew, more allowance, more trust). If we’re ready to increase responsibility, we can give them what they want along with a reminder that with greater power comes greater responsibility.

Craft A Holiday Breakfast

We’re not really into gin fizzes or soufflés in our household, but the Trader Joe’s frozen chocolate croissants aren’t really cutting it either. This year we’re going to try something new, possibly from this decadent recipe list, and see if it sticks. Even better, we are going to divide and conquer holiday meal preparations (and clean up) this year. Everyone can help!

Purchase Gifts For Strangers, Not Via Amazon

Most communities have at least one organization that facilitates gift giving to families and individuals who could use a helping hand. We’ve participated in years past, but truth be told, most years it’s been a few minutes with the kids on a laptop followed by the arrival, wrapping, and delivery logistics handled by me! This year we’re doing the shopping (all fairly basic and low cost) locally and together.

Use A Wish Candle

This one is a bit random, but fun. At my birthday dinner this year, I made a wish blowing out a gold birthday candle, then slipped it in my pocket on our way out of the restaurant. Since then it’s lived on my altar and the family knows we can use it as needed for “important wishes” such as safe, healthy, and easeful travels before we all parted ways this summer, before going in for important medical check-ups, or before big tests at school. Whether we live alone or with a family, having a single “special” candle we can light, make a wish, then blow out is something we can use all season (if not year!) long.

Try Eco-Wrapping

Wrapping gifts is one holiday tradition that can get pretty expensive and wasteful. To cut down on waste and make the holiday season more sustainable, we can all get a bit creative by wrapping gifts in reusable cloth veggie bags, mason jars, or part of the gift (such as a bucket of gardening supplies for the gardener in the family, or a mixing bowl or stockpot for your favorite cook).

Explore Eco-Decorations

Instead of buying flowers or other table settings, decorate with foraged branches, pinecones, small branches, and dried citrus slices. The hunt for these items can be done alone or with others and figuring out how to place them in our home space is at least half of the fun.

Consider Anonymous Giving, the White Envelope

I’m still helping my kids understand this one, but there is something extra special about anonymous donations and gifts. I love how one family crafted a tradition of placing a record of the anonymous gift in a white envelope tucked into their holiday tree each year. Their brief and touching story is worth the read.

Take A Walk Outside

Bundling up (if you’re in the northern hemisphere) and getting outside for a walk is almost always a good idea. With a few years of timing consistency (immediately following a gift exchange or right before sundown, for example), it’s a tradition!

Your Ideas?

Please share yours in the comments. I’d love to be inspired by what you do or intend to do.

Already Different

It’s early, but this holiday season already feels different given this deepened commitment to spending time in a manner that authentically aligns with what we cherish most. The kids and I got our tree on Wednesday and the entire process—from choosing where to go (we picked the Guardsmen Tree Lot), taking the teenager’s car (hey, he has a rack!), bringing his girlfriend (these two could not be cuter!), appreciating Soren’s dinner preparations, and then letting the kids decorate the tree with almost zero micromanagement from me (for real!)—was refreshing.

But I don’t care how much the kids ask for colored lights… we’ll always be soft white light people. ✨

Love.

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Miscellaneous…

Non-Alcoholic (NA) drinks that are actually good… Though the market has exploded with new products and greater availability in stores, restaurants, and bars (I remember when there were only five places to get Seedlip in the entire Bay Area!), most NA drinks and mixers are colored sugar water. Yet, there are exceptions. Byrdie captured some winners: 5 Non-Alcoholic Beverages That Are Still Fun to Drink. I’ll be trying Three Spirit (not to be confused with Free Spirits, please) soon :)

Groovy Holiday Tunes… Sick of holiday music? Try SomaFM’s Holiday Lounge for a fresh, downtempo vibe this season. Other favorites in high rotation in our house: Billie Holiday, Stan Getz, and Bon Iver ❤️

The Power of Friendship… Soren and I are hosting a three week donation-based zoom series on friendship. Please join us! You can learn more and sign up here.

Sangha Saturdays…. These casual, open gatherings during which we explore various themes of ClearLife (relationships, intentions, struggles, and joys) continue! If you’d like to join us via Zoom or in person, please indicate your interest here and you’ll be added to the (anonymous) calendar invitations. Our next in-person session is tomorrow, December 2nd (Mill Valley, CA, RSVP required) and our next Zoom session December 9th, both at 9a PT. 🙏🏼