TGIF :: Reader Feedback, Disarming Privilege, & ClearLife for All

#57 || Making sure that the invitation to explore new choices doesn't depend on excess time, money--or freedom

May 24, 2024

What if we can’t attend courses or retreats?

This inquiry came in through the website this week:

Hello - I really enjoyed your podcast conversation with Yung Pueblo and I had a question arise - for those that don’t have the resources (money or time) to attend courses or retreats it would be helpful to acknowledge and share how to incorporate some of these life choices for people who cant fully immerse themselves in these ways. Thank you for putting these tips out into the world. —A.

We read, and I write, a lot about the power and impact of dedicated time to focus on growth and healing. Yet this reader’s inquiry jolts me, us, back to reality.

For the vast majority of us, such immersive offerings—retreats, workshops, courses—are inaccessible indulgences. They were for me for decades (even an occasional quiet dinner with a friend was a longed for rarity). If we want to “incorporate better life choices,” we need simpler, easier, less time/money expensive ways to spark and support healthy shifts.

The short answer to this inquiry is to invite you to explore The Eight Awarenesses, designed to be this accessible tool. Like “pocket mantras,” we can carry them with us, each accompanied by a handful of practices that pave the way for the inner transformation that can translate into outer change. I offer a few additional tools that are simple and require very little time, money—even freedom—at the end of this week’s TGIF.

And, thank you, A. This inquiry drew me into a reflection around privilege, how I relate to mine, and how we can so easily forget how free we actually are.

The P Word

Last summer, a trusted friend offered some feedback:

“Your writing kinda screams privilege.”

My mind raced to: But wait a minute, I worked really, really hard for a lot of tough years to earn the freedom to now do my heart’s work. (defensiveness)

Then to:

Is my privilege my fault? I am being authentic; are you suggesting I modify myself to make other people more comfortable? (more defensiveness)

Then to:

Oh my gosh… I wonder how many people think that about me? (shame, taking it personally, over-concern with what others think—my go-to)

Then eventually curiosity:

If I want what I offer to be more accessible, relatable, and real—how can I authentically be more accessible, relatable, and real? Can I relate to my privilege in a healthy way, somehow?

Evolution

I continue to have a series of uncomfortable conversations with my privilege (and it certainly isn’t easy writing about it). I’ve disliked it, resented it, denied it, tried to hide it, and embraced it. I’ve also—most recently—tried to grok my relationship with it from a place of curiosity, not judgment. I’ve certainly over-corrected a couple of times, perhaps over-speaking to this awareness (thank you, ES, for calling me out), but I’ve stumbled into a bit of a balance in recent months. I think I am aware of my place, but not over-rotated on it either. And always learning.

Over time, this understanding has helped me to continue to shape The Eight Awarenesses to be simple, easy, and accessible, to all kinds of people in all kinds of places. Accompanying practices can be woven into a week with relative ease: A heartfelt conversation with a loved one, a walk or sit in the woods, a cup of tea in solitude, various journal prompts—even community service.

Then, this:

“She reads your TGIFs in prison.”

I learned recently that one of you reads these TGIFs on paper, printed and shared by your sister, as you serve time for an alcohol-related incident. If you are reading this now, know that I was deeply moved to learn this and I look forward to connecting directly about your experience and how we might together scale simple practices to support the least free.

….and of course my mind raced during the conversation with your sister. All of this talk of walks in nature, spending time with loved ones, learning to socialize without alcohol—these are all for those of us with these freedoms, these privileges. What about those (you?) trying to heal and grow while behind bars? Others lacking basic resources or freedoms? How can we support healing without what I now see also also luxuries—tea with a friend or an evening stroll?

This has me thinking, reflecting, appreciating, and imagining even more accessible ways to offer the tools captured via The Eight Awarenesses. More on this soon.

Practices that don’t require much time, money—or freedom

It is a desire to make these life choices accessible to all—without a stigma, a sentence, or a diagnosis that sparked The Eight Awarenesses in the first place. We shouldn’t need to go anywhere, commit to anything, self-identify in any way, or frankly spend a single cent, to do this work. It is an inside job that can start as part of our daily routines, with a bit of discipline.

Here are a few ideas for ways to start to fold various ClearLife practices into our lives, even if we are limited in time, money—or even physical freedom:

Meditation: A regular self-awareness practice is one of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves. Sit for one minute, or thirty. Use an app, or not. Practice in the morning, or at night. Lie down, or walk if sitting isn’t your thing. If you want to focus on something, a candle or even a spot on the floor or wall will do. Focus on your breath, or just let your breathing be natural. The point is that there is no right way. We don’t need structure, or days of silence, or a teacher. The beauty of a meditation practice is deepened self-awareness, the capacity to notice our feelings as they arise, rather than be flung around by them. Start and stay steady in a way that works for you.
Visualization: We go where we look. Take the time to envision where you want to be, what you want life to look like—daily. Ideally we can take a few minutes first thing upon waking or right before falling asleep. See yourself in this version of life you desire, then take it another step and try to feel what life feels like in your body with this new reality. When seeking to change or break a habit (such a drinking), take the time to really visualize life without it. How do you feel going to sleep at night—without any alcohol in your system? Even better, how does it feel to wake up each day with the same level of clarity and calm with which you went to sleep? These practices do not need to be fancy, just as potent as possible in the moments you have to explore them.
Intentional Solitude: Grounding with ourselves resources us in countless ways. This is one of my favorites because it is so flexible. At its best, intentional solitude for me means time alone in nature, on a walk near water or woods, but this can happen almost anywhere, including a confined space. It is important to not be listening to or watching anything and just be a gentle observer of all of our senses: scents, sounds, temperature, and then as time passes, more subtle sensations, a beating heart, tightness in the jaw, hands, or abdomen. Developing an awareness of how we are in the world helps us better attune to our reactions to people, places, and other circumstances so that we can become more intentional about how we spend our time.

I often say “I learn so much” while doing this work. Thank you for all you teach me. Your feedback, questions, and reflections are always welcome, even (especially) when they are hard to read/hear.

Love. ❤️