TGIF :: My Son Wrote This

#93 || A speech for school; his perspective on alcohol and its effect on families (yes, this blew my heart wide open)

I write here to explore what it means to live undimmed—present, self-aware, and awake to the ways we sometimes escape: through drinking, eating, snark, exercise, shopping, sex, work, drugs—even over-functioning. Previous posts are here.

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A few weeks ago my high school senior asked for some information about the Eight Awarenesses. He said he was starting a project on alcoholism. I sent him a screenshot of all eight on a screen and this post.

On Sunday (Mother’s Day), after breakfast and a family Monopoly game, he asked me if I’d like to read the speech he’d prepared on the topic for his english class. Below is what he shared.

To say I am moved is an understatement.

This might be the most important thing I’ve ever offered here, and I didn’t even write it. In reading it, we get a glimpse into the perspective of the impact the choices we make might have on those around us, in my case, my son(s). Know it wasn’t all rosy, but I’ll spare you my additional narratives today.

I offer it below, with his permission, verbatim.

Love. ❤️

@Stinson Beach, 2019

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A Personal Look at Alcohol and Its Effects on Families

Seven years ago, my mom decided to stop drinking. Not because she hit rock bottom, or because her life was out of control. There wasn’t one dramatic moment that forced her to quit. She just wanted to try thirty days without alcohol. That small decision changed everything.

At the time, I didn’t understand why it mattered. Drinking seemed normal. In our community, in society in general, alcohol is everywhere. People drink to celebrate, to relax, to cope, to fit in. It’s so woven into everyday life that we barely notice how deeply it's rooted. I had never stopped to question it, and honestly, I don’t think most people do.

But when my mom removed it, even temporarily, things started to shift.

She became more present. Happier. Lighter. She talked about things differently. She joined and created communities of people who were rethinking their relationship with alcohol, not because they were addicted, but because they were tired of feeling just okay. Because they wanted clarity. They wanted peace. And over time, that one thirty-day challenge became a way of life—one that transformed her and, in many ways, our whole family.

And it got me thinking: why is alcohol so regular that people feel weird not drinking? Why do we only ever talk about alcohol in extremes—either you’re fine, or you’re an addict? Why isn’t there room to talk about the gray area in between?

Because that’s where most people are. Drinking casually. Socially. Regularly. And sometimes, quietly struggling with it.

The truth is, alcohol is a social issue that affects way more people than we realize. And families, more than anyone, carry the weight of it.

I've seen this firsthand in more ways than one. While my mom’s story is one of transformation, my grandmother’s story was a lot harder. She died of alcoholism. But it wasn’t alcohol that started her downward spiral—it was grief. Years ago, her niece was killed. She was only sixteen. That loss shattered my grandmother. She ended up caring for her sister, holding everything together for everyone else. But emotionally, she was unraveling.

Alcohol became her escape. And over time, that escape became a cage. It was a slow breakdown—one that didn’t always look like addiction from the outside, but consumed her from the inside. It was driven by sadness, isolation, and a lack of support. And ultimately, it took her life.

That’s what makes alcohol so complicated. It’s not always loud. It’s not always dramatic. Sometimes, it’s quiet. Sometimes, it’s hidden in plain sight.

That’s why I think we need to talk about it differently—not just in terms of addiction, but in terms of impact. The impact alcohol has on families, on kids, on relationships, on mental health. The way it seeps into stress, sadness, boredom, or even celebration. And how hard it is to say no to something that everyone treats like a default.

When my parents got divorced, it could’ve gone a different way. My mom had every reason to numb, to check out, to fall into that familiar pattern. But instead, she chose to show up. She chose to be present. She chose to be clear. She had seen what it had done to her own mother and her biggest nightmare was to continue the pattern. So she decided to stop.

Watching her do that made me think differently about alcohol, about health, and about what strength really looks like. It’s not always about getting back up after you fall. Sometimes, it’s in quietly stepping away before the fall ever happens.

We don’t need more shame around drinking. What we need is more honesty. More space for people to say, “This isn’t working for me,” even if no one else sees a problem. We need more stories like my mom’s. More middle ground between denial and rock bottom. More room to talk about how alcohol affects families—not just through addiction, but emotional distance, or subtle, lasting pain.

I’m proud of my mom. I’m proud of the choice she made. And I’m grateful that I’ve gotten to see, firsthand, how one person’s change can shift the direction of a whole family. Her story taught me that we don’t have to wait until things are broken to choose something better.

It’s time we stop asking people why they don’t drink and start asking why we do. Because sometimes, the bravest thing you can do is just say no.

And mean it.

-XRM, May, 2025

Hand on Heart.
Love. ❤️

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Miscellaneous…

⭕️ One Hour of Community Connection via Zoom… The next Sangha Saturday is Saturday, June 14th, 2025 at 9:00 AM PT / Noon ET. We begin with a brief meditation, set a bit of context, and then open the space for shared exploration. While not about “sobriety” or “recovery,” we are all actively exploring a life without dimmers. Link for an invitation here.

📕 Soren’s latest book (#4!), The Essential: Discovering What Really Matters in an Age of Distraction launches on Tuesday May 20th. 🎉 The local Bay Area launch event details can be found here. Hope to see you there!