TGIF :: Listening to Our Bodies

#49 || Honoring the wisdom and intelligence of these complex, internal navigational systems

You are reading ClearLife, an exploration of life without “dimmers” such as escapist drinking, eating, snark, exercise, shopping, sex, work, drugs—even generosity—in pursuit of a more intentional, present, and embodied way of being. Prior posts are available here.

And… Here’s a link to an episode of the Peripheral Thinking podcast featuring yours truly. Ben is a gifted interviewer, so we covered a lot of topics I also write about on Substack—the who, what, why, and how of ClearLife. Enjoy, if podcasts are your thing :)

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I Guess I Can’t Go.

The first my body clearly spoke to me, I was just shy of fifteen, a high school freshman in California. I’d accepted an invitation to attend the senior prom—with a senior.

It was 1989 and prom night was wrapped in lore—a mix of wine cooler and beer-fueled rowdiness, house parties ‘til dawn, and tales of blackouts. Milli Vanilli, Madonna, Prince, and Bon Jovi had chart-topping hits that season.

As the date approached, I was nervous. I had trouble eating, sleeping, and focusing at school. My mind churned with countless private, unanswered questions: What were the expectations around drinking and partying? How about hooking up…and sex? What were the other kids going to do? Would the senior girls be nice or mean to me?

The day before The Big Night, a strapless taffeta dress hanging in the closet, I broke out in hives all over my body. Large, pink-rimmed splotches of irritation (and fear) covered my arms, chest, and neck. Maybe I can’t go, looking like this? I remember thinking to myself.

I’m Carrying Too Much.

Twenty years on, with a severely herniated L5-S1 disc stubbornly resisting healing after months of effort, a trusted doctor recommended exploring therapy.

“Physical therapy? I’m already doing that,” I replied.

“No, Cecily. You might want to explore some of the underlying psychological reasons for this injury.”

Weeks later, guided by a new therapist, I acknowledged that amidst caring for my toddler, managing a demanding job and commute, and navigating my complex relationship with my deteriorating mother, my body was signaling a clear message: I was “carrying too much.” To heal, I needed to “put some of the weight down” and lighten my load.

As I asked for help where I could, defined a healthy boundary or two, and cut back on various discretionary professional responsibilities—my injury started to resolve itself. Fifteen years later, you’d never know I was told by more than one surgeon that I may never walk again without their help. Yet, truth be told, I still have a tendency to “carry too much,” my most stubborn, socially encouraged dimmer these days.

I have had very memorable, similar experiences during which my body spoke up for me, sometimes quite loudly, as I’d ignored its gentler signals for months—or years: Pityriasis Rosea, a mysterious skin condition that forced me to stay home for multiple weeks in the middle of a Colorado winter: You’ve been avoiding certain feelings for a while. Let’s stay home, rest, and when we’re clear, make some changes, okay? And most recently, an estrogen-positive breast cancer tumor right over my heart: You’ve been so tough for so long. Can we tune into your softer side a bit? Take some time to rest and restore?

Looking back, each of these events were either clever metaphors or followed physical symptoms and signs that I chose to overlook, not listen to, or tune out—until I couldn’t anymore.

“As I often tell my students, the two most important phrases in therapy, as in yoga, are “Notice that” and “What happens next?” Once you start approaching your body with curiosity rather than with fear, everything shifts.”

― Bessel A. van der Kolk, The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma

Internal, Spirit-Informed Navigation

We hear a lot about taking care of our bodies these days—tracking physical do lists that include regular exercise, a healthy diet, sufficient sleep, drinking enough water, stretching—even keeping our glucose levels low. But how often do we tune in and actually listen to the messages that our bodies tell us about more than just biological needs?

My fascination has grown as I invest in my physical health and apply insights from The Hoffman Process to my continuous work on ClearLife as a way of being.

A Direct Channel to Our Spiritual Self

Yes, our bodies tell us how to take care of ourselves physically—when to rest, when to move, how to move, and when to nourish ourselves (as well as what to eat and drink, and what not to eat and drink).¹ But our bodies also give us immediate information about how we feel, our response is to a given situation or person, and even whether we should take an action or not—often well before our minds have caught up.

Heart flutters, nausea, shakes, cold sweats, eye twitches, flushed cheeks, buckling knees, a pang for a hug, an inclination to run the other way, a desire to scream, a longing to lean in for a kiss… these are all physical signals informing us of countless subtler things, often feelings we’re not quite equipped to immediately put into language or action—or feelings we want to deny exist at all. Our bodies tell us what we need to know, when we need to know it—all we have to do is pay attention.

How to Listen to Our Bodies

The first step is to be willing to trust it’s messages. When we stop denying it, negotiating with it, and overriding it, the body communicates with all kinds of subtle messages before we break out in hives or end up with a back injury.

Second, find a place and time, ideally early in the day daily, to spend a minute or two noticing physical sensations. This can be lying in bed, sitting with a cup of coffee, commuting, waiting in line, or even seated at the office. Be still and close your eyes. Notice: How deep is your breathing? What temperatures do you feel—warm or cool—in what body parts? Are you experiencing tension, pain, or other uneasiness anywhere?

Third, and this is a Hoffman Process practice, ask your body “What do you need from me today?” Trust what comes up without overthinking it.

Things I’ve done in the last month after taking a couple of minutes daily to listen to my body:

• Taken the morning’s calls walking outdoors instead of sitting inside on Zoom

• Consumed more water and vegetables and less sugar and coffee

• Gone running

• Followed through on a longstanding vision/dream forward of getting and riding a bike

• Stretched

• Seen a specialist about a stubborn toe injury

Alcohol, the Body, and ClearLife

I’ve written and spoken extensively about how drinking—or other forms of dimming—can interfere with our access to our intuition. Some of us specifically use dimmers to not hear our inner guidance, as I did for years with alcohol.

But what about our bodies? How does alcohol interfere with access to our body’s signals and wisdom?

In low doses, the short term effects of alcohol include:

• Reduced tension and relaxation

• Lowered inhibitions

• Slow reflexes and reaction time

• Slower brain activity with sensations and perceptions that are less clear²

In medium doses, the short term effects of alcohol include:

• Slurred speech

• Altered emotions

• Poor vision

• Lower core body temperature

I won’t belabor the point as the facts speak for themselves. Even in low doses, alcohol mutes our bodies’ signals, a core navigation system that is designed to keep us not only physically well and safe, but also out of other forms of harm’s way. When we drink we are messing with this guidance, both in the immediate and long term as we grow less sensitive to our various internal signals.

Questions We Can Ask Ourselves

Is alcohol (or another dimmer) yet another tool for self-abandonment, a way for me to ignore what I know is best for me?

Am I conscious of the more subtle side effects of drinking (or our alternative dimmers)? What am I missing when I’ve had even one drink/puff/bite/view?

Specifically with alcohol, what am I telling this miraculous system when my body sends me signals (digestion, sleep, skin, energy issues) to cut it out with the wine, beer, or booze… and I keep drinking? Has it ever lashed out in revolt?

What would life look like if I really listened to my body and honored it’s messages? Is that a life I want? If not, how can I resolve the misalignment between my mind and body for more harmony and ease?

“Neuroscience research shows that the only way we can change the way we feel is by becoming aware of our inner experience and learning to befriend what is going inside ourselves.”

― Kolk, The Body Keeps the Score

About That Prom

My mother, perhaps more excited about my being invited to senior prom than I was, helped me fuel up with enough over-the-counter symptom suppressants to put on my dress, satin heels, and go. My date was a gentleman—at least most of the night. When the sun rose at the end of the rowdy post-prom house party, I still had my dress on, most of the older girls had looked after me with kindness, and I was able to get home without any memory gaps.

I remember feeling relief when it was over, and some empathy for myself for how scared I had been leading up to that night. I think the hives—the alert my body had sent me in advance—made me a little more cautious than I may have been otherwise, and for that I am grateful. If nothing else, the experience helps me approach my own beautiful and complicated teenagers—and their various physical experiences—with curiosity and love, most of the time.

Be well. ❤️‍🩹

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Miscellaneous…

Questions? I’d love to consider them for future TGIFs and possibly even podcast topics. You can reach me via email or Substack DM. ✩

Have you checked out SoberStack™ yet? The incredible

Dana Leigh Lyons

maintains an annotated directory of Substack newsletters devoted to addiction, recovery, and sobriety featuring 100+ writers spanning diverse ages, focus areas, and paths of recovery. I deeply appreciate her “We’re all in this together” orientation and efforts to highlight beautiful work in this area. 🌟

Join us for a live chat with Dan Harris TODAY. Please consider joining Soren and me for this ongoing series, The Power of Presence, in which we welcome a range of esteemed teachers including Roshi Joan Halifax, Rhonda Magee, Jack Kornfield, Jon Kabat-Zinn, Sharon Salzberg, and ctoday, March 22, Dan Harris of Ten Percent Happier. We practice together for ~25 minutes then explore in a Q&A model. 🎋

Update on updating alcohol labeling… (see full post on this topic here). A second shout out to The U.S. Alcohol Policy Alliance for their work in this area and their upcoming fundraiser in NYC on March 28th. Details here. I’ll be there. 💪🏼

Sangha Saturdays… The next Zoom version will be Saturday April 13th at 9am PT. The next in-person one has yet to be scheduled. If you’d like to join, please indicate your interest here and you’ll be added to the (anonymous) calendar invitations. 💖

1. Insights and sentence structure adapted from Thank You, Body, by Hilary Illick of The Hoffman Institute

2. https://www2.courtinfo.ca.gov/stopteendui/teens/resources/substances/alcohol/short-and-long-term-effects.cfm