TGIF :: High Stakes Times
#76 || Why NOT be clear?
Thank you for trusting me with your time. ClearLife is an exploration of life without “dimmers” such as escapist drinking, eating, snark, exercise, shopping, sex, work, drugs—even generosity. Prior posts are available here, including a summary of The Eight Awarenesses.
A few quickies on how to stay connected before we jump in today:
🎧 Listen: My favorite podcast conversation about ClearLife, The Eight Awarenesses, and my why was published by Sunnyside this week. You can listen to the 2-episode series on Spotify or Apple Podcasts.1
💲 Attend: Our friend Chip has shared a 25% discount code for the New Year Reset workshop/retreat Soren and I are hosting at the MEA campus in Baja December 9-14th: CHIP25... so I am sharing it with you! Feel free to reach me with any questions if you are considering joining us. ✨
ᅘ Connect: Our monthly Sangha Saturdays continue with the next one on Saturday November 9th at 9am PT. If you don’t already have a calendar invite, complete this form and we’ll add you.
“I want to be clear.”
I often reflect on my first (and last) 30 day break from alcohol in 2017. I was on the precipice of a series of significant life changes and wanted a clear head (and heart). I knew that ending my marriage after doing just about everything I could to save it would be a “life earthquake” of sorts. (It was.)
I knew going into it all that our kids, rituals, broader family, finances, and pretty much everything else would be rocked by this change. I had no room for slip-ups. “No regrettable kisses, texts, signatures, or conversations” I often said to myself. Pausing drinking as suggested by a friend seemed smart—essential even.
Honestly, this timed pause felt almost easy in the face of all else underway at that time. It worked. It may have been a messy and complicated time of life, but I was clear as hell while navigating it. I loved the feeling so much, other than a little affirmative dabbling later that year, I haven’t gone back.
A Beginning.
For many of us who see our drinking days way back in the rearview mirror, we can thank a 30-day break for the start of a longer journey. Perhaps this is why challenges such as “Dry January” and “Sober October” are so popular. We start with a manageable challenge or goal. No need to make this a “forever thing.” We either don’t make it, and that sparks some awkward self review, or we do, and many of us feel good enough to want to keep going. If nothing else, many of us can stick to it for the health benefits (backed by growing research).
The inside job
We delight in the joys of AF life for a while, maybe even up to a year. At a certain point, the deeper stuff emerges. We can tune into the discomfort that led us to drink (or otherwise dim) in the first place. What have I not been hearing or feeling? This is where the fun begins (and is the foundation for the “inside job” exploration I developed The Eight Awarenesses to support).
When we’re clear, we see and unblurred version of what isn’t working in our lives, and have an opportunity address it. This is how deep and real transformation often happens. It can get messy, but it’s worth it. Perhaps this is why the chrysalis metaphor is so resonant for many. We literally need to go inside and turn to goo before we can emerge as a rebuilt, wildly more vibrant and capable version of ourselves.
Why begin?
People embark on a 30-day break—whether from alcohol, sugar, caffeine, shopping, sex, or overwork—for all kinds of reasons. Some do it as a form of self-assessment, others to feel or look a certain way. Sometimes it's to support a friend or family member on their own journey. Whatever the motivation, there are countless reasons to begin—and to keep going.
“Once I made it one month, I didn’t want to go back.”
“I felt empowered and inspired to keep it up.”
“I felt better than I had in years and I was motivated to try for longer.”
Why wait?
I’ve been reflecting on my first 30 days recently. In my case, it was the high stakes of that particular moment in life. I didn’t want to screw it up. I didn’t want to regret anything. It felt like something big was happening and I wanted to be fully present for it. I wanted to do things, make choices, and have various communications from a clear place. It felt essential.
I guess I feel that way now too. Big things are happening—both at home (navigating ongoing health support, parenting my teenage sons, being intentional and growth-oriented in my ❤️ relationship, three major work “projects”) and “out there” in our broader community—and country—as we approach a high impact national election. And beyond. Stakes just feel… high.
Whether it is how we are relating to loved ones, engaging with politics, taking care of family, navigating our wellbeing, showing up for another human, considering a career change, or tending to a relationship, it all matters.
Why not live life with clarity and a lower likelihood of regret?
What would this world look like if we were all clear, even if just for a year? What would change?
The stakes seem high on both a micro and macro level.
Why wait?
Meditation Check-In… For those who read last week’s post, I am doing alright in this area. I’ve sat most mornings, though the absolute fail of the morning I didn’t is almost comical… I was drinking coffee, driving, and listening to the meditation thinking that listening to it on the go was better than nothing. Mm… nothing actually would have been better. And I still have yet to refresh my altar, but it’s coming.
A fun prompt for ChatGPT users… (thank you, Cosmic Christine for this one!): “Based on what you know about me, tell me something I don’t yet know about me.” The lengthy (and accurate answer) I got kinda rocked my world.
Looking forward to seeing some of you at the Wisdom 2.0 events in SF Monday and Tuesday… (online tickets are available too). Speaking of high stakes times… grateful for the wisdom and tenacity coming to the stage for these! I look forward to participating in a segment on Relationships in the Digital Age and interviewing Danielle Krettek Cobb on Models of Intelligence: Being Human in the Age of AI (the schedule for the AI day is here) and
I am a co-founding General Partner at Wisdom Ventures that holds a very small stake in Sunnyside as an early investor.