TGIF :: A Path to Cherishing, 3 Practices
Weekly drop #34 || The transformative power of mindset, choice, & cherishing in cultivating holiday magic ✨
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Today marks the “official” beginning of the holiday season. The sight of sparkly decorations, the sounds of themed music, and the tastes and smells of seasonal foods and festive drinks can evoke different feelings for us all—from dread to delight. Approaching the one year anniversary of discovering I had (← conscious use of past tense) breast cancer, I’ve been doing even more reflecting than usual on the significance of this season, the events of the last year, and what’s different on this side of that experience.
I’m also considering how our family will navigate the holidays this season—what matters (time with loved ones, how we give—especially our time), and what doesn’t (appearances, material things). There’s a lot we can’t control, but there’s a lot we can control: How we meet our moments, how we spend our discretionary time, and our level of presence throughout it all.
Mindset
I saw the “one year ago today” pictures on my phone this week and recalled that time with fondness. I study my face in these images and see an innocence that is no more. It was the “before” time, before I knew I had cancer in my body, before I had an ever-present sense of time scarcity, before I lived with just a little fear and an extra dose of gratitude, all the time.
Truth be told, with treatments largely behind me, these days I live in a dance between fear of its recurrence and conscious positivity. The fear usually stems from reading information about survivorship on the internet, something I’ve been doing more of now that I seemingly have the capacity to take in information that was too much to handle months ago.
The positivity is a choice. I remind myself that the statistics are in my favor, and I’m a pretty healthy human treading into that spectrum of odds. While I navigate life with a penchant for finding silver linings and a glass-half-full attitude, I notice that I’m living with and acute sense of presence, intentionality, and attentiveness to all of the things. All of that awareness can sometimes feel like a weightiness despite the best of intentions.
In my deeper, quieter moments, I wonder if the pestering concern I carry is intuition or just plain old human (useless) worry. Then, I self-coach a bit and do my best to move on, move forward, and visualize the long and healthy life I plan to live. Heck, I once wrote an entire thesis paper on the impact our thoughts can have on our physical health, the least I can do is try to live with what I know to be healthy optimism… it’s probably more impactful than avoiding sugar, ditching toxic household products, and adhering to my supplements routine.
Entering the holiday season, I’m applying these same themes around mindset. What do we want to focus on? What is the energy we bring to the activities we spend our time on? How can our inner experience influence how these days unfold, how loved ones experience time with us? Can we be authentic and positive?
Choice
And of course, themes of ClearLife are up too, particularly the Second Awareness: I choose what I consume. These days I’m not thinking about drinking alcohol anymore than I’m considering starting to smoke cigarettes again, so it’s the more subtle consumption tendencies I’m aware of: How do I want to spend my time? Who do I want to see? What events do I want to attend with the kids (or not)? Can we host a gathering to honor and celebrate this time of year with some of our favorite humans? When do my beloved and I get some quiet, close time amidst the gatherings and hosting and chores and projects and and and….
I remind myself it’s absolutely okay to say “no thanks” to something we feel we “should do” or “always do” but may not want to this season. It’s absolutely fine to opt out of a tradition if it no longer fits, or needs a year off. We can even choose to redirect that energy to someone in need.
I’m reminded of the 2017 holiday season when I just couldn’t bring myself to share a happy picture of my family—because we weren’t happy. We took all of that money and time that could have gone into making over a hundred handmade holiday cards and gave a bundle of carefully wrapped gifts to a local charity that orchestrates delivering wish-list presents to homeless kids. My sons remember that more than any other gift exchanges that year and it’s a tradition we’ve maintained since (we’re still considering the holiday card plan for this year :)
We can also create opportunities for how we want to spend our time, especially connection with others, amidst the holiday noise. It does not need to be fancy… a gratitude zoom, a potluck dinner, a walk with friends. Maybe we can make lists of how we want to spend our time with the same level of thoughtfulness we spend on gift lists?
Cherishing
Aware of our mindset, for the time we do choose, can we really be deeply present for those moments? Make deep eye contact? Truly listen during a conversation without thinking of what to say next? Eat the meal without considering who will clean up? Take the after dinner walk under the stars not fussing over morning plans? Drive the boy to school and choose a fun song to listen to, rather than silently brood over a to-do list?
“The most precious gift we can offer others is our presence.” —Thich Nhat Hanh
One common joy I’ve started to cherish is the simple pleasure of a hot beverage. For years I would “grab a coffee” and unconsciously drink it, hardly aware of its taste until it was almost gone. Oh well. The simple practice of noticing and fully experiencing something as basic as a hot beverage (oat milk lattes at the local cafe are my current indulgence) is a great mini-practice for cultivating presence in other areas of life.
So yeah, entering this holiday season feels different than in years past. I’m (somehow?!) even more sentimental than usual. Watching my sons get their swimsuits and slides on at a Mexican beach this past week, I noticed signs of their growing bodies with a wistfulness: It’s only been a few months since summer and his body is already different, again. I wear the same barrette every day, a barrette that was my mom’s, and wonder if she knows I think of her each time I use it: She must, she said she can see me. I awaken to a breeze of chilled air from the open window in our bedroom and let myself linger in the sheets, letting it all in: This moment, just notice it.
So while Thanksgiving might be about gratitude, let’s try to cherish more this holiday season with a healthy mindset and some discernment around how we spend what’s precious to us.
Practices
Mindset Awareness. If we catch ourselves overthinking, over-fussing, or worrying needlessly, we can shift our mindset to be more spacious and optimistic. Here is a practical, albeit somewhat academic review from Stanford on the benefits of such a shift. Shoving difficult thoughts away isn’t the answer, but brooding isn’t either. Sometimes the best path is to give the tough thoughts some space, listen to and feel the message, then move on.
Conscious Choice. We can ask ourselves: How and where do we want to spend our time? With whom? Doing what? Are there things that we are doing in our discretionary time that don’t fit with current values or priorities? This is a good time to look at the month ahead and consider what we want more of, what we want less of, and make the necessary adjustments. I list several practices on this post on the Seventh Awareness.
Let’s Cherish. Let’s not let these moments slip by without our noticing, our presence, our appreciation. We can allow a little extra space (less scheduled days), a little extra time (leaving home ten minutes early), and giving ourselves permission to pause and let it all in (one breath of pure awareness) can make such a difference. Maybe find a “buddy” with whom we can share a daily moment of cherishing is all it takes to transform our awareness. What we notice can be significant (time with loved ones, life milestones, completing a passion project) or seemingly simple (a walk on a crisp day, a nourishing meal, hearing a favorite song).
In our over-documented life, we’ll have a chance to look back at this season next year. How did we spend our heartbeats? What did we not yet know? Who did we have the joy of spending time with? Did we cherish the magic?
Sending ❤️ to all.
Miscellaneous…
My playful theory… about what actually happened at OpenAI: With the shake-up, Sam achieved in three business days what could have taken the better part of a year via conventional channels (refreshed board, unquestionable employee loyalty, a deeper trust bond with Satya, industry accolades). Was it a series of brilliant chess moves? Full disclosure, our fund Wisdom Ventures is an investor in OpenAI, yet I don’t have access to any non-public information.
Inbox Love… Some months ago I published a post with guidance on how to do a digital cleanse. Today is a great day to spend a few minutes scanning inboxes for emails from sources we no longer want to hear from because countless organizations sent messages of seasonal gratitude + an annual marketing message in the last 24 hours.
Sangha Saturdays…. These are casual, open gatherings during which we explore various themes of ClearLife (relationships, intentions, struggles, and joys). If you’d like to join us via Zoom or in person, please indicate your interest here and you’ll be added to the (anonymous) calendar invitations. These have been such special hours… Our next in-person session is December 2nd (Mill Valley, CA) and our next Zoom session December 9th, both at 9a PT. 🙏🏼