TGIF :: My Active Dimmers...

#77 || Four atypical ones I'm working with right now. What are yours?

October 31, 2024

I’ve been asked this a lot lately: “What are your dimmers?”

Sometimes it comes in as “So, seven years into ClearLife, are you just free of everything now, or what?”

Am I just free and clear of it all?

Hell no.

I developed The Eight Awarenesses and continue to use the framework myself, because this journey—this work, this opportunity, this exploration—is ongoing. Today, I share a glimpse into what’s real for me now (in addition to the good stuff… this is the work!).

My Current Dimmers

Here are a few things I use (consciously and unconsciously) to self-soothe, to feel less, or to “dim out” discomforts:

Busy-ness

I despise writing this one. I thought I’d be over it by now. For years I used a packed calendar as a way to stay in motion rather than be still. To do rather than be. To express rather than listen. To achieve rather than allow.

Last year, while treating breast cancer, I was essentially “grounded” at home—a “Time Out” from the Universe. My diagnosis came just six days after I informed my company of my decision to leave my COO position, after months of careful planning. But apparently, I needed a clearer message: Stop. Rest. Heal.

This meant most of a year focused on nourishment, calm, and the space to recover from surgery, radiation treatments, and, honestly, over 20 years of relentless drive. I accepted the assignment with as much grace as possible. Most of 2023 was quiet and still—and so was I.

Entering 2024, I had deep clarity about my passions and hit the ground running. I’m now fully immersed in work I love: completing and publishing my book on The Eight Awarenesses, fundraising for Wisdom Ventures, and building a third company—still in stealth as we prepare our product for market.

And yet, here I am, back at a similarly relentless pace. This time, minus the commute I somehow managed for years—while also still seeking to prioritize the non-project things: raising two teenage sons, nurturing an intentional relationship, and engaging with everything else life holds right now.

And quietly inquiring: Is busy-ness a dimmer—again? Is it any better than an alcohol, pot, or sugar habit, really?

And the core question: What am I trying to not see or feel?

Is this truly “just a very busy time in life” or am I living out a pattern I should have learned my lesson around last year?

The inquiry continues.

I sit most mornings, guard alone-time, and do my best to stay present and clear, but yeah, this is a big one for me.

It’s also worth noting it’s a sneaky one… Our culture celebrates those who are achievement-driven and seemingly able to “do it all.” On the outside, these are our success stories. But are they? Are we?

Can you relate?

It takes a courageous family member or friend to pull you aside and point out that things might be moving too fast. For those of you who’ve done this recently, thank you. I hear you. I’m working on it. Awareness is 90% of the work, right?

October 28, 2024, @ Wisdom & AI

Looking good.

Argh. I flinch writing this. Clothes. House. Face. Car… LinkedIn, IG, hair. I have an awareness around my attention level for these things and have spent a lot of cycles trying to get to the root of this one.

The Hoffman Process helped a lot. I learned that I inherited a sense of unworthiness from a parent and was well trained from a young age to appear a certain way at all costs… because if we’re found out for being “less than,” we might be voted off the island. Leaving the house with wrinkled or soiled clothes, bad grammar or table manners, godforbid a messy house when friends come over… these could lead to, THE END!

I know that this is ridiculous, at least intellectually. But still.

The opportunity I’m working with these days is not using these presentation-first ways to avoid authenticity. When we aren’t real with ourselves or others, it comes out in other ways that can be super problematic.

I was reminded of this after a day of being super “on” for the Wisdom & AI Summit on Monday. The morning routine. The outfit. Arriving in SF. The tightly packed schedule. The dinner. It was a day filled with deep meaning and connection—but with the energy of externalities and appearances. By the time I got in the car with a dear friend and Soren to head home, the tears came. I could tell that there was more in those tears than what would have surfaced had I been less caught up in a full day focused on optics and outward priorities.

Some of you won’t get this. Lucky you.

Some of you will. What is your experience?

Shame.

A theme of Wisdom 2.0 and Wisdom Ventures is encouraging inner awareness and wisdom in our technology-rich age. The talks, meals, and various other features of these days seek to illustrate and affirm this. It is fine to use technology, but can we use it in moderation, with a certain level of mindfulness, all the while prioritizing human connection?

After two full days and nights at this season’s Wisdom 2.0 events, on Wednesday I checked one of my kids’ screen-time… and was devastated.

How can I do this work… be in these Wisdom & ClearLife rooms and efforts… while my own kid is spending so much time on his phone… not just a little time, but a lot of time??

That night, I spiraled. I watched myself slip into all kinds of self-loathing—criticizing myself as a “terrible mother” and more. Eventually I caught myself and realized that such a response is useless. It almost felt like a victim play, reminiscent of old times… remembering that feeling terrible has historically inspired sympathy from loved ones. But that, I reminded myself, is not the answer.

What is? An honest conversation. Loving curiosity. Some new screen time control tools to help us all learn. An ongoing exploration. Onward.

Caffeine

Argh!

I love my coffee… the smell, the ritual, and how it perks me up when I start these days well before sunrise. But, I'm starting to see my dependency on caffeine more clearly. Recently, I went 36 hours without it by accident, and the persistent headache didn’t let up until… I had a cup.

Is caffeine a dimmer for me? I wouldn’t say I am using it to escape or dull anything, but I certainly have an active physical dependency on it. One of you wrote to me recently about quitting caffeine as your dimmer, and I’d love to hear more. How can caffeine act as a dimmer?

…Anyone interested in doing a “Dry January” for caffeine with me? I’m seriously considering it!

An Insight: Togetherness

One of the beautiful features of the Eight Awarenesses work is that we don’t need to live in silos while journeying to more clarity. My thing might be busy-ness or shame and yours may be a complicated relationship with food or exercise, but the explorations are quite similar. Change is an inside job. Am I making good choices? Is this helping or hindering me? Am I listening to myself? Am I spending my time the way I want to spend it? What might I want to shift, and why?

I look forward to hearing your impressions.

Thank you for journeying with me.

Love 🧡

P.S. Here are some of our Halloween pictures. We dressed up as our dog, Sacha!

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Want a Pre-2025 Reset in a Beautiful Place? I was so touched to read Chip Conley’s email this morning… Use CHIP25 for a 25% discount if you register.

“For years, I’ve been pulling the weeds from my fertile mind with Soren whether it’s co-leading a Conscious Business Leader conference with him at the Esalen Institute, meditating with Jon Kabat-Zinn, being interviewed on stage by him, or co-leading a sold-out MEA workshop on Wisdom with him a couple years ago. He has such inspiring stories of spending time with Eckhart Tolle, Alanis Morissette, or Thich Nhat Hanh and his partner in life and Wisdom Ventures, Cecily Mak, is one of the most fascinating people I know. She was a hard-driving lawyer and Silicon Valley executive who created ClearLife, a community of more than 100,000 folks who’ve committed to weaning themselves from the escapist substances that dim their life (alcohol, sugar, work, etc…). In a year, Cecily’s book “Undimmed” will likely be at the top of the New York Times bestsellers list. 

We are so fortunate to have Soren and Cecily leading a workshop in Baja December 9-14 (the best time of the year with whales breaching and sea turtles hatching) “A New Year Reset: Shedding Unwanted Habits with Self-Grace and Presence.” What a great way to prepare for the “holidaze” and to develop your gracious plan to thrive in 2025.” 

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Come meditate with us! Soren and I are offering a donation-based monthlong in December with some of the most remarkable teachers of our time. Info here.

Last but not least… For my friends living here in the United States… may we all find time to regroup, reground, reset, and restore in spite of the turbulence we’ll likely experience in coming days. Love usually wins. ❤️