TGIF: A Muscle Worth Weakening

#92 || When over-adapting or "powering through" interferes with the life we actually want to live

I write to explore what it means to live undimmed—present, self-aware, and awake to the ways we sometimes escape: through drinking, eating, snark, exercise, shopping, sex, work, drugs—even over-functioning. The goal isn’t perfection, but presence. Previous posts are here. Thank you for trusting me with your time and for your engagement and comments on my posts!

On a local run

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Invisible Interconnectedness

I had coffee Wednesday with a former colleague who’s launching a new company. She wanted feedback on her breakthrough product idea. Perched on a street corner in my Northern California town, our conversation wove business with a good dose of personal catching up—we hadn’t spoken in years, not since we both moved on from our shared former employer.

Though we’re in different stages of life, we quickly discovered that we’d each gone through major personal shifts around the time we left those jobs. Within a year, everything had changed for both of us: relationship, health, home—even a deeper inner perspective evolved in us both from “I probably shouldn’t” to “Oh hell yes I can.”

Coincidence?

As we shared our stories, we recognized a pattern: Once we unlocked one area of misalignment—something that no longer felt right or true (in our cases, for quite a while leading up to the actual job departures)—it created space to shift other areas of life that felt off. The ripple touched everything: who we loved, where we lived, what we consumed—The Second Awareness in motion.

After a pause to give these realizations a bit of space, she peered at me through her glasses and let out a sigh, “It’s all connected, you know?”

Indeed, it is.

The Contagion of Clarity + Alignment

When we’re dimming in one area—tuning out work stress with nightly drinks, softening relationship tension through impulsive spending or comfort eating, avoiding a health concern by staying constantly busy—it can be pretty easy to keep the entire dimming machine running. It becomes how we live. If we can numb discomfort in one part of life, it often becomes second nature to do the same elsewhere.

But the reverse is also true. When we break a pattern in one area—when we stop numbing and choose to tune in instead—we might unlock a surprising wave of momentum in other areas of life. That first moment of alignment, of living in deeper integrity, can be awkward at first… changes to roles, circumstances, and so on… but then comes the clarity, relief, and presence. And with it, the courage to shift more.

I hear about this from you all frequently: We recognize a dimming habit. We get curious about what we’re trying not to feel. We feel it. We make a change. And then—moved by the impact—we find ourselves making other changes too. Often quickly. Before we know it, we’re looking back, years down the line, and recognizing the significance of that Big First Step.

The Invitation

We don’t all want—or need—dramatic changes to our lives. But most of us have at least one area that feels a little off. A bit out of alignment. Unsettled, for reasons we may or may not fully understand.

The invitation is to get curious.

Most of us want to make sure we’re not getting too good at ignoring the signals. We don’t want to overstay in situations, habits, or patterns that no longer fit—just because we’ve grown used to them.

I’ve found that when I overly-rely on the muscle of denial, whether it be “powering through,” brushing things off, dimming what I intuitively know deep down—it can seep into other parts of life. It becomes to easy to just “stay the course” when in fact, a shift is warranted. One area of numbness quietly reinforces another the same way that one area of clarity might also spread.

So our invitation is to pause and inquire: Why is this inkling showing up? Are there small shifts I can make today to get into deeper alignment with my true self, my core values? This could be as simple as editing what we read or listen to or as complicated as considering a career shift. What comes to mind? Can we not dismiss it and give it a bit of space? Listen to that inner voice?

And maybe… if we loosen our grip on the patterns that keep us stuck, their hold will weaken. And maybe… by paying closer attention to what’s actually true for us, we’ll find it a little easier to move in a more aligned, true-to-true-self direction.

And we realize, in time, there is a form of weakening that actually is a strength.

Love.

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Miscellaneous…

😾 The complexity of knock-offs (it mostly sucks)… I am still processing this, but someone I trusted and worked with has taken it upon himself to copycat both our supplement product (AM + PM nutritional support for cutting alcohol) and many of the themes of The Eight Awarenesses and my emerging book in his own supplement and book offering. The intellectual property lawyer in me wants to confront him and his team; the higher self version of me wants to see this as all in service to the whole, albeit in different flavors. If you are reading (and you know who you are…), I’d be grateful for a little less actual copying. Respect. Sigh.

💪🏼 Speaking of muscle development… Shout out to

Laura McKowen

and

Elena Brower

for your encouragement to start weight training… I’m entering month #3. Interesting! It took me a few weeks to adjust to changes to appetite, metabolism, thirst, and so on, but I am liking the new sense of strength, energy, and stability.

䷇ Wisdom 2.0 is coming up! May 5th-6th at The Commonwealth Club in San Francisco. Details here. I will be interviewing Hamish MacKenzie, co-founder of Substack, with an emphasis on the culture they building and tending to, online and off.

⭕️ One Hour of Community Connection via Zoom… The next Sangha Saturday is Saturday, May 10th, 2025 at 9:00 AM PT / Noon ET. We begin with a brief meditation, set a bit of context, and then the space for shared exploration. While not about “sobriety” or “recovery,” we are all actively exploring a life without dimmers. Link for an invitation here.

💊 The ClearLife Reset Supplement… is live! We are loving the feedback coming in about this gentle nutritional support for a 30+ day break from alcohol. Learn more here. We are giving away a few sets in exchange for detailed feedback and possible influencer relationship building. Be in touch if this is of interest to you.

📕 Undimmed: The Eight Awarenesses for Freedom from Unwanted Habits… my book is in its final proof editing stages and I love it, working closely with my agent and my awesome team at Flatiron Books/Macmillan throughout. Pub date: January 6, 2026.

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Credit to Findhorn Foundation, Iona, Scotland